There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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