There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
