The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
