wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
