You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
