Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
