I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
