It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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