Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
