drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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