Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
