i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
