So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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