is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So much rum. So many feels.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
