i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
