you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
