I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
