you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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