no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
