they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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