Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
