I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
