they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
