do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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