yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
