fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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