I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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