You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
