I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
