I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
