i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
honey bunches of taint.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
