i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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