you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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