Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize