I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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