Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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