I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
