I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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