Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
