I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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