Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize