i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
