we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
