At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
