She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
