The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
