No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
