Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
