I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
