Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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