I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
