It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
