that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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