I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
