Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
