Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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