We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
