I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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