i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
