I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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