I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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