I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
