Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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