you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
