Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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