This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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