Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize