We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
